Journal Entry # 3 [Video]

[sneezelikeakitten]

[There's a Dipper on the screen who is trying not to look sad, and he's much more subdued than the past few videos. He seems to be on the outside of the Ruins of Alph. His Pokémon are seen trying to comfort a Xatu, who just.... is staring at the screen behind Dipper. Welcome to the party, Hitchcock.]

So my Grunkle Stan is gone. He wasn't there this morning when I woke up. I don't know if anyone will even miss him, but if you got any of his Pokémon... go ahead and keep them. I don't think I can take care of them all on my own. He left me with Misery.

[Which, for those who don't know the Persian, might sound like he's been left with literal misery.]

I'm gonna be at the Ruins of Alph for a while. If anyone wants to join me, let me know? Just going to explore it some more.

[The screen turns off. This boy needs some cheering up, or just a friend to come hang out with him.]

Comments

[sneezelikeakitten]

My Typhlosion! Oh, wait, the last time you saw him he was a Cyndaquil...

[..... it's been a while, hasn't it.]

[callbacks]

Oh, that's right. Sorry, I just had kind of a brain fart there. I, uh. Knew a guy named Hephaestus.

[...That. Is not entirely accurate, but also not a lie.]

[sneezelikeakitten]

You knew a guy named after a god?

[Well, Soos kind of sounds like Zeus... but that's not the same!]

[callbacks]

More like...I kind of knew a manifest interpretation of that god?

[sneezelikeakitten]

[...]

The closest thing I know to a god is a dream demon named Bill Cipher. I think I'd rather know the guy you know.

[callbacks]

[UM...

Should he tell him.

He's not gonna tell him.]

I dunno, he was kind of a giant flaming asshole. Like, literally wreathed in fire, not flagrantly homosexual. I think he was married? Maybe I'm mixing that up with real mythology.




I can't believe "real mythology" was a thing that just came out of my face.

[sneezelikeakitten]

[Wait, homosexual and flaming are the same thing? Dave, this kid is 12, you're confusing him! And all that swearing...]

Yeah... he was married to Aphrodite in the stories.

[SERIOUSLY. He can't keep up with you, Dave.

[callbacks]

Aphrodite...I don't think we had that one in SBURB. Anyway, that Cipher guy, he was that bad? Because Hephaestus was no gentle tulip, I'll tell you that.

[sneezelikeakitten]

SBURB? [What's that mean?]

Bill... he's pure evil! He's not above killing people, and taking over their bodies to do his own thing, following some weird agenda. He took over my body for a deal, and he almost ruined my reputation! He tried to kill us in my grunkle's dream world! If you ever meet him, just hit him! Don't listen to a word he says!

[callbacks]

Whoa, shit, okay, he's bad news. Jesus, you gotta be careful with dream stuff like that, you never know what it's gonna really mess you up.

...

Also SBURB was the video game that me and my friends played that ended the world.

[sneezelikeakitten]

He could have totally messed up my grunkle more than he already is!

[Or somehow fix him? Naw. Let's not think like that.]

Wait...

YOU ENDED THE WORLD WITH A VIDEO GAME?!

[callbacks]

Technically no, the world would've ended whether or not we played it as part of the game causing itself and its universal trappings to exist.

[sneezelikeakitten]

[A game ending the world...]

Then why didn't you stop it?

[callbacks]

...Can you stop a veritable galactic barrage of meteors with a cheap sword and some cherry bombs?

[sneezelikeakitten]

... No. But I'd still try.

[callbacks]

Well, we tried. All right? It sucked and let's change the subject to something that didn't result in the deaths of like seven billion people and three years of spacedrifting homelessness. Something cheery. Like the eventual heat death of the universe. Or the part in Bambi where his mom dies.

[sneezelikeakitten]

[OKAY FINE CHANGE OF SUBJECT]

Have you been collecting badges? Penny said she got the one from Violet City! I got that one, too, and I would have swung by to say hi, but my grunkle Stan wanted to get in and out.

[callbacks]

Yeah, actually, I finally went ahead and grabbed it just the other day. It was kinda tough, I've been mostly raising my team from babies and I'm not as hype about the training stuff as Penny and Jade are...

[sneezelikeakitten]

I'm training mine up! It's better to be prepared than to run into something that can take mine out in one hit.

[callbacks]

Mnh. Yeah, I guess that's true. Guess that's more of a concern when you travel around a bunch.

[sneezelikeakitten]

You're not gonna travel more?

[callbacks]

Well, probably we are, but you've probably noticed by now that we've been hanging out in the same town for like three months at this point? So I wasn't thinking about it.

[sneezelikeakitten]

Uh, yeah. Violet's awful. You should get out.

[callbacks]

Violet City is a perfectly nice forgettable little town where absolutely fuck all ever happens and I won't see its good name slandered by a dude who got lost in the woods for three weeks.

[sneezelikeakitten]

[..... are you... being serious? Are you joking? Dipper can't tell.]

It's got a weird shaking tower!